Finally...The Crab Speaks

i typed 'crab' on the internet and this popped out. those sick, sick humans.

it's been a while since i blogged. sorry, been busy looking for fish to eat. and after three months, i finally realised that those stupid humans removed the fishes. so now i'm supposed to eat just fish pellets? harlowww, there's a reason why they're called FISH pellets okayyyyy...you stupid people don't eat cat food do you?

sigh. it makes me so sad. last month the other crab crawled out and dried up again. they found him in the morning and put him back in the water, but it was too late. he died after five minutes in the water. i thought i heard him say something just before he died. something like: you're way too beautiful girl, that's why it'll never work. then i remembered that crabs don't speak. it was probably those ampee-three things from the humans. (in case you don't know, ampee-threes are brutal devices humans use to lock other humans in to sing for them).

those stupid crabs. they never learn. i mean, how hard is it to understand that if the humans don't come into our tanks, we shouldn't go into their ampeee-threes and sipi-yous and stuff.

anyway, i was waiting for them to buy another new junior crab. waited, waited and waited for weeks, still nothing. finally...they brought in a new human.

how stupid.

if i recall correctly, there are already one, two, three, four, FIVE other humans in the office. five humans, one crab. and what do they do? bring in another human. real smart, people. no wonder they need so many of you to care for just one crab.

just when i thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. recently, they brought in some new creatures. nothing as disgusting as more humans, but still pretty disgusting. and get this: they're called SUGAR GLIDERS. ooh, what darlings.

like the humans say, a picture speeds a thousand worms. feast your eyes on my supposed new friends.

cute?

sweet?

NOT!!!!!!

crabs have beautiful shiny shells. these little monsters have ugly hair all over them.
crabs are still, silent and intelligent. the monsters crawl all over the place like brainless prawns in a frying pan.
crabs hunt for fish and tear them apart with their ferocious claws. and these brats eat - guess what - GRAPES AND APPLES. HAH! only humans and donkeys eat such rubbish, morons!

and the nerve! these things actually have NAMES. i was here long before crabs made ccplusj cool, and never once did they give me cutesy names like 'chewie' and 'suggie'. i wish i had a name. when i was born, my mom called me 'son'. then they sent me to the pet shop, where the people called me 'new stock'. and now all my life in ccplusj, i've only been called 'the crab'. sigh.

oh look, they're playing with the monsters again. i bet even if i wore a clown suit and break danced, they wouldn't care. so sad.

i wish i was a human. everyone loves humans. except for me, of course.

humans are never alone. they're always surrounded by other humans, eating together, doing things together. they get happy so easily. when they leave the office. when they talk on the telephone to 'cly-ens'. when they receive a paper that comes every month. all crabs can look forward to are fishes. or sadly in my case, fish pellets.

well, that's enough crabspeak for a day. till next time, stupid humans!